Monday, March 3, 2008

Rest in Peace

Last night Simon was hit by a car. We found him shortly after, his little body still warm. To say that we are heartbroken would be an understatement.
He was one of the most exceptionally sweet creatures I have ever known. He had a way of reaching into your heart and making you laugh. He was a special little guy who let me know long ago that he was put on this earth to spread smiles.
A few years ago I was living in a duplex above Simon with my 15-year-old cat whom I adored. Simon and I never paid that much attention to one another, I'd say hello as I passed him, he'd stare at me blankly, and that would be that.
Then one day my cat passed away. After a few days of sitting on my couch crying I looked up and saw Simon staring at me from my doorstep. He stayed there for two weeks. Every evening when I came home from work, every morning when I opened my door, every night when I locked up to go to bed, the little guy was there. It was as if he was keeping vigil on that door mat, letting me know that everything was going to be alright and that he was there when I was ready for him. That first week he sat in silence, the second week he started bringing me gifts. A bag of tire gauges, part of a sack that had housed cement and, of course, gloves. It didn't take long before he'd worked his way into my heart and, eventually, so did his owner.
We all moved, along with my other half's dog and second cat, into a little house and created a home together. And although Simon was only eight pounds of fur and furry his presence filled this home and spilled over through out the neighborhood. Everyone who knew him loved him, and in the same way that he brought me smiles through that door screen years ago he would do the same with all the visitors who came knocking.
Simon's greatest gifts weren't the panties, rags or stuffed animals he brought home, the most wonderful gift Simon gave was the happiness he spread. He was unlike any other animal I've known.
This morning the skies are stormy and the rain is coming down in buckets. Pretty appropriate, but no match for the waterworks going on inside my house. Even our dog, who Simon slept with every night on the dog bed, is hanging his head low this morning. And late last night I found him lying on our guest bed, where he is prohibited from sleeping, in between the pillows right where Simon had napped most of yesterday. He never went back to the bed he shared with Simon.
The last time I saw Simon, just and hour before we found him, he and the dog were standing outside together, noses held high, feeling the wind blowing hard as the storm clouds began to roll in. Then Simon took off, tearing across the yard, stopping to roll in some dirt, then running on to his last adventure.

This is his last present, brought in a few nights ago. A suede pot holder.
Thank you all who have followed Simon and his antics through this blog. I'm so happy that I could share part of him with you. And if you've ever looked at this site and smiled and felt a little lighter after reading about his exploits go out and do something today in Simon's memory. Give money to your local animal shelter, adopt and old dog or cat that needs a good home, make someone smile who needs it, or just go out and steal a pair of panties.

Goodspeed our little guy. Our little thief. You will so be missed.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

five-finger discounts

Well, it's not that Simon hasn't been busy, look at my dining room floor at the moment and you'd be convinced a glove factory exploded, it's just that he apparently hasn't left the boundaries of our yard in weeks. Instead of finding new things to add to our collection he keeps recycling gloves from his box in the garage. One glove I've seen make it's way through the cat door four times. Some gloves are so commonly deposited in the house that even the dog, who will eat poop if given the chance but steers clear of any of Simon's steals, has begun to grab them and present them as greetings when I walk through the door. I guess familiarity has it's good points?
So, I'm not posting any photos because you've seen it all before. Maybe he'll get over his glove fetish soon ... fingers crossed.

Monday, February 18, 2008

the construction issue

A neighbor is remodeling their house and apparently this is delighting Simon. In addition to taking all the worker's gloves he is making his way through some other items as well.

It's not just a glove. It's a metal roofing art piece!

Home Depot bag.

Contents of Home Depot bag.
However, I learned that there had been four bolts and nuts inside waiting to attach a new mailbox to it's post. I'm assuming Simon didn't want them because he made a path down the street with the items. Where he picked up the leaves I'm not so sure about.

When will people learn to put these things away?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

fabric graveyard

Rag retrieval should be an olympic sport, then I could at least say that Simon's in training. This is what I woke up to this morning. After heeding the little guy's call four times and responding with a 'good boy' salutation and some chin scratches to first a black t-shirt, then a rag with paint, then another rag carrying mainly dirt, then yet another rag washed in a different paint shade, I decided it was time to stop the positive reinforcement. But he just went back out again and found a rag so old that it crunched when I bent it. Good stuff. It did make quite a beautiful pile though. Like a rag pile of love. He means so well.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

the things he loves

We now officially own every glove in a two-block radius of our home. Simon's mission is complete.

Matching pink rags. How sweet, and so close to Valentine's day ... what a treat.

The real gift though was the dirt left where he dropped off the rags.

And, as I write this, Simon has already brought in a fresh t-shirt, two more dirt-filled rags and I just heard him hit the cat door on his way back out. I'm not sure what I did that made him so happy but it may have something to do with trout. Glad to know he can be bought so easily.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

shirt off your back

I'm going to put a bug in Simon's ear for some designer duds. He seems to be a fan of the 'I can paint in this' type of clothing, but I think it's time for him to reach for a higher star. Or at least bring home stuff that isn't caked in bodily fluids.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

welcome home

There's nothing like the feeling of being missed, is there? Now imagine how good it feels for your 8lb furball of a thieving cat to miss you. Yup, it's just that sweet. This past weekend I went out of town for work and when I returned home Simon jumped on my lap, made some biscuits, gave a little purr then hit the cat door for some stealin'. Man, it feels good to be loved...

I think the gloves are really secondary here. The 'gift' is actually 500 grass spurs - they just needed a carrier. My favorite part of this pair is that they are two different sizes. And Simon brought them both in at once. Little guy didn't want to expend too much energy.
Oh, and this was one of two pairs he nabbed in 30 minutes, the other pair was given back to it's owner - who came knocking at our door - before I could photograph them.

Yes, it's dirty rag #500! It's the thought, right?

What you can't tell from this photo is that the moist towelette is still moist. Wet, really. How nastastic is that?! (nastastic is my new word to describe many of Simon's gifts. Nasty+fantastic=nastastic!)

I've often wondered whether my neighbors have seen Simon dragging things down the street. It just seems like someone has to have seen something, and yesterday I got my answer. Yes, they have. And yes, they thought WTF?! My neighbor, Grant, was over (picking up his gloves of course) and he told me that one day he looked out of his front window to see Simon dragging a sheet across another neighbor's front yard. Really, are there words to describe how brilliant that is?! No. Sadly the sheet never made it into our house. Grant remarked that Simon tried to pull it through some bushes and it got stuck. And how cool is Grant ... he said he thought 'man, maybe i should give Simon a hand'. Love him.

In other news from the thieving cat world, my friend Courtney sent me this:
( and all I have to say is thieving crime fighting kitties = 1, perves = 0)

Curious cat finds child porn stash, leading to man's arrest

Associated Press

AUSTIN < A cat snooping around its new apartment found a
hiding place where the previous resident hid a stash of
child pornography, police said. The woman who owns
the cat noticed it could stick its head in a gap
between the pantry and ceiling, then a friend reached
into the gap and found DVDs containing child pornography,
according to an arrest warrant. The woman took the DVDs
to the apartment office and police tracked them to Luis
Jimenez, who had moved out of the apartment last year.
Jimenez, 24, has been charged with possession of child
pornography and was being held on $40,000 bail.
Possession of child pornography is a third-degree
felony punishable by up to 10 years in jail and a
fine up to $10,000. There was no attorney listed in
Jimenez's jail file Friday.

Monday, January 21, 2008


I was talking with a friend last night who I hadn't spoken with in awhile and she asked me "So, what have you been up to lately, I see that Simon hasn't been doing much...", and then she preceded to give me her theory as to why Simon has been laying low. The argument pretty much hinging on a combination of cold and rain. I agreed then noted, with my inside voice, that she never really waited for me to answer any questions about myself, and that's when it occurred to me that my cat has apparently become far more interesting then me.
I guess I need to get out more.
So nope, the little guy hasn't been too busy lately, preferring the soft comfort of my dog's bed to casing the neighborhood for gifts. He did bring home a glove and rag the other day but ... well ... we've just seen SO much of that lately I thought I'd wait for something a little more out-of-the-ordinary before posting. But that ain't happening.
So, in honor of the week of rain that's forecast, I present an umbrella (which I do plan on making of use). This has been hanging out in Simon's Box o' Stuff since he brought it in sometime last year and, as far as his 'gifts' go, I have to say this might be one of the most useful items yet. It doesn't even feel caked in grime and fluids like so many of his things, so that's a plus.

Monday, January 14, 2008

acts of confinement

Simon likes to lick the walls of my shower. While the sight of him on his hind legs, front paws splayed across my tile wall, licking small drops of water has never really stop looking a bit odd, I have grown accustomed to it. I've also learned to pull back the shower curtain and check for the little guy before closing the door in an effort to keep my dog from the trashcan. This weekend in my haste to get out of the house I left out that crucial step.
And that's how Simon's week long strike ended.
After I returned home to to hear his cries of imprisonment I let him out, covered him in apologies and chin scratches and left again. He was apparently so happy to have been set free that he went on a stealing binge.

I think one of my neighbors is bathing outside again.
You just know when you come home to this that there's good stuff waiting inside.

A friend recently asked me if there was a mechanic in my 'hood. No, there's just a rag fetishist.

It's nice that Simon brought the hair AND the hat that went over it. Anyone missing some DNA?

A dirty, red rag...

and look - it has a twin.

A forest green jacket. What you can't tell from this photo is that the jacket felt like it had been soaked in oil, dried, then spit on. I don't think my floor will ever stop feeling sticky.

Friday, January 11, 2008

picket line

I'm pretty sure Simon has been on strike all week and, if one is to believe that he really does understand what I'm saying, I think it might be my fault. I may have said something about 'taking it to the next level' and 'kicking it up a notch' with his finds. But I didn't mean it ... he's still my favorite little guy even when he only brings in the dirt on his back.
Regardless, he has brought me nothing all week.
Well, I can't really say that. He has been hunting judging from the rags lining the perimeter of my house, but he's refusing to bring them in. It's almost passive aggressive. He knows I can see that rag laying there by my car on the driveway, so why won't he just finish the job?
Clearly I've upset him.
So I went out and found this item hanging from my fence. It's a tie-down, or so someone with much great knowledge of these things then I, has told me. It's actually pretty fantastic but I can see why, after it got hung up on the fencing, he just left it there. It's about 10 ft long. Imagine the beautiful sight that must have been - a small cat dragging a long, bright orange swath of nylon and metal down the sidewalk (he only uses the sidewalks). Brilliant. Anyway, I probably would have left it hanging there also ... but those rags? There's no excuse for that.

Sunday, January 6, 2008


I guess the last 16 rags just weren't dirty enough

and God bless the little thieving kitties

Simon has never brought home a skirt before. It's a first. Always expanding his horizons...what a guy.

And now for a shameless plug -
This whole blog thing is a new frontier for us and we've just found out that there are blog awards. Who knew? So we'd now like to ask you guys to give Simon some props and vote for him at the Eight Annual Weblog Awards
It's really simple, just go to the above link and scroll down to the "Best New Weblog" category, which is way down near the bottom, and enter Simon's site. You have to vote for three total so we thought we'd give you some ideas from blogs we're quite fond of:
Best Photography of a Weblog
Dallas photog Courtney Perry's personal photo blog
Best Writing of a Weblog
The fabulous Dena Taylor. In addition to writing well she also plays a mean game of bingo and last year she kicked cancer's ass.
Most Humorous Weblog
You'll waste hours on this site...and be happy you did.
Best-Kept Secret Weblog
We recently met animator, and all-round good guy, Trevor Romain over some manchego cheese and crackers. He's set to premiere his new tv show on PBS, has written numerous children's books and in his spare time pays visits to kids in Africa - I'm pretty sure he's a superhero.

Nominations are due by January 11. Simon, and I, thank you!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

A gift for each paw

Yes, it's a rag. Surprised? One day I'll find the person who hoards all their dirty rags and I'll give them a coupon to the Container Store.

No, I did not pose the glove this way. It, or Simon, decided to give me the finger all on it's own.

He just couldn't get enough rag this night.

An orange peel in a bag. The little guy decided to shake it up a bit. What's interesting is that I was told citrus peel is a natural feline deterrent, and that people often use them in their gardens to keep out neighboring cats. Right. It works real good.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Laundry trifecta

This is the most fantastic variation on rag that he's brought home in some time.

You know how when you wash clothes you always seem to lose a sock? You might want to talk to Simon about that.

This is way too clean. I pretty sure it falls under the 'things people are currently using' category. Somewhere a mother is frantically looking for her baby's favorite bib - yeah, I feel a little guilty, but what am I suppose to do ask people to start putting address labels on their clothes? Okay, that might not be a bad idea...